Posh takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed. The mechanic knowing she isn’t the brightest Spice Girl in the world, decides to play a joke on her. “You don’t need me to take those dents out,” he says. “Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop back into… Continue reading Poshes Car

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic’s own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, “the sunshine vitamin,” which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used… Continue reading What my Tools are Actually Used For…

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver’s side door with him standing right there. “NOOO!” he screamed, because he knew that… Continue reading Lawyers

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little boy next door. The little boy is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. He is wearing a fireman’s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says, “Hey… Continue reading A Fire Truck

A girl is driving along the expressway listening to the radio when she hears a song she really, really likes. When the song is over the announcer says the title of the record was, “Hot Lips and Tender Kisses.” When she gets home she’s very excited about the new song and decides to call her… Continue reading Hot Lips and Tender Kisses

Ian the Mechanic was working at a garage for a few years, and as great as everything started it all slowly began to go downhill; he noticed less and less trucks coming in and other mechanics were getting laid-off left, right and center. The final straw was when he realized that his last 4 paychecks… Continue reading 2 Weeks Notice…

A trucker drives his fully  loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman making love in the center of the road. He blows his horn several times, but they don’t budge. He slams on his brakes and stops just inches… Continue reading A Truck Driver is Going Down a Steep Hill

I took my pops to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92).  We decided to grab a bite at the food and grab some drinks. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.  My… Continue reading A Mechanic and His Dad

You’ve got to keep that rear end lubed. Oh, don’t worry I’ll fill’er up. Not getting enough suction. (Also applicable to surgeons/dentists.) Just pump it a few times. This is going to need some more oil. How long since this pads been changed? You might need to wiggle it a little. Let me show you… Continue reading Dirty Sounding Things that Mechanics Say

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn’t move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn’t respond. Once more the farmer… Continue reading Horse Pulls the Car