A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a gentleman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am." The gentleman below replied, "You are… Continue reading The Mechanic and the Fleet Manager

As a little girl is coming out of school, a man pulls up in his car, Winds down the window and says to her, "I’ll give you a sweet if you’ll get in the car with me." The little girl says "No, I not getting in the car." The next day the man pulls up… Continue reading Talk about Embarrassed

3 men were talking about what god did for a living the first guy says “god must be a mechanic, just look at our joints” the second guy says “no, he must be an electrician, look at our nervous system the third guy says “no, your both wrong, god must be a government employee, who… Continue reading God’s Job

A police officer pulled a mechanic over for speeding. Officer: May I see your drivers license? Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owners card for this vehicle? Driver: Its not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver:… Continue reading Mechanics: Smarter than the Average Bear

What makes a Yugo go faster? A tow truck. Why do Yugos have a rear window defroster? So you can keep your hands warm while you’re pushing it. A man goes into an auto parts store and asks, “Can you give me a cigarette lighter for my Yugo?” “Sure, sounds like a fair trade to… Continue reading Classic Yugo Jokes

Posh takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed. The mechanic knowing she isn’t the brightest Spice Girl in the world, decides to play a joke on her. “You don’t need me to take those dents out,” he says. “Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop back into… Continue reading Poshes Car

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic’s own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, “the sunshine vitamin,” which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used… Continue reading What my Tools are Actually Used For…

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver’s side door with him standing right there. “NOOO!” he screamed, because he knew that… Continue reading Lawyers

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little boy next door. The little boy is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. He is wearing a fireman’s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says, “Hey… Continue reading A Fire Truck

A girl is driving along the expressway listening to the radio when she hears a song she really, really likes. When the song is over the announcer says the title of the record was, “Hot Lips and Tender Kisses.” When she gets home she’s very excited about the new song and decides to call her… Continue reading Hot Lips and Tender Kisses